The Terrorist Ham - The Abel Blowpipe Connection

El Presunto Terrorista - A comprehensive translation.
The terrible story of the ham that, after having been rejected by a cup of red wine (of Portuguese origin), decides to leave its mark by sponsoring terrorist events throughout the remotest villages of our deep, deep Portugal.

Known only as "LaPata Negra", his true identity has never been disclosed, nor the piglet's leg from which it originated. His aversion to Portuguese red wine is well documented by the scandalous remarks it sends to Portuguese tabloids wherein he states that he can find better and cheaper foreign red wines in any given supermarket of our most noble nation of such excellent winemaking ability.

"LaPata Negra" who, as a little ham, wanted to be a "chorizo", still keeps its aspiration to end up sliced in a green broth, as a sign of protest. One never knows where it can launch its cruel attacks, or which will be its next target. Nobody in their right mind accompanies ham with Portuguese red wine in our fine taverns since Abel Blowpipe (nickname due to his profession) once almost choked on a slice of the tidbit of (most*) Portuguese people's delight.

* Vegetarians not included.